That's the last verse of a new song I made up this month. I mentioned trying to memorize it in time for a show in my last full newsletter, and this is from that show. I'm hoping it'll hit a nerve as you race around finishing up your shopping or stare out your front window with diminishing hope that your delivery will come on time.
The various social media algorithms didn't like this clip, I think because it mentions "CEOs' coffins."
In a positive way.
Worth
it.
Let's Hang Santa Claus is the song version of a screenplay idea I percolated on for years. I've long been fascinated that the most common theme of Christmas movies and TV shows is "Christmas has gotten too commercial." You know, that whole "remember the reason for the season" vibe, whether that's religious or just kind of a spiritual peace on earth kind of
thing.
What fascinates me about that is that every person involved in the making of these movies and shows disagrees with the premise, as evidenced by them working on Christmas-related commercial products with budgets in the millions of dollars.
And the
audience that laps this stuff up, that suffers right along with Charlie Brown when he wails that his own dog has "gone commercial"
— we disagree with that shit too! Otherwise we'd be watching midnight mass from the Vatican or something, not drunkenly sobbing when Harry Bailey goes "A toast to my big brother George: the richest man in town."
Dang. Your uncle got me again, Zuzu. Give me a second here.
While I get myself together, here's a link to the whole song from that show at Speakeasy Carrboro. This is a Dropbox link.
It should work for you, but if it doesn't, I won't know why.
So the screenplay idea is that somehow, though I never figured out how, the whole world buys into this idea of abandoning commercialized Christmas all at once and gets back to the original, traditional, spiritual Christmas.
An aside: That original traditional Christmas never existed. Christmas as we celebrate it was invented by department stores in the 19th century. Before that it was mostly a pagan-influenced drunkfest that was routinely banned by various iterations of the Christian church. That's beside the point of my screenplay idea but once a history major.
All right, so everybody abandons commercial Christmas and the world economy crashes, leading to a disastrous worldwide depression. Total societal destruction. That's what's happening in the verse above. Just before this clip, the lyrics are "Now unemployment's 90% and there's no food on the shelves / Everybody has gone savage, we're all fending for ourselves."
I envisioned the last act of the movie being a Mad Max landscape, with maybe a heroic band of Party City employees trying to save the day with some salvaged Andy Williams records, champagne punch and homemade
eggnog.
But I never got around to writing the damn thing and now Party City's been killed by private equity, so who'll save us now?
Let's Hang Santa Claus.
A big year-end thank you
This is the end of my first full year as a solo performer, and my first full year as a performer this century. Thanks for subscribing to The King Teen Newsletter, and thanks for listening to my music, coming to my shows and whatever else you might have done to support me this year. It felt
like a lot and I appreciate it.
I know I didn't get you anything but if you want to give me a little Christmas present, you can recommend my stuff to someone you think might like it. Word of mouth is where it's at. There's a bunch of links about five lines south of here. Thanks.
I'll see you in 2025.
